“Who are you?”

(I’m sitting over zoom with my therapist when she asks me this.)

“Shit, I don’t know. I’m Molly. I’m a Nurse Practitioner. I think I’m funny and I like to think speaking Spanish is a cool thing”.

My therapist looked at me with such pity that even I felt sorry for me.

“Ask yourself this question some more. Oh, and go watch that Disney movie with the red curly haired child and the bears. It’ll help you”, she said.

So… I watched Disney Pixar’s Brave.

And… I found God!

Just kidding.

Great movie, I could tell she wanted me to watch it to maybe learn a life lesson about discovering myself and gratitude about my mom not being a bear.

But what it did instead was ignite a sense of child-like curiosity in me again that I allowed to be drowned out.

No wonder I couldn’t answer who I was accurately: I stopped doing the things that make me, me! My curiosities, my interests, my hobbies.

So I dove into all the things I found interesting. I started learning Italian, I got back into reading, I began to take exercise seriously, I learned to cook risotto.

I applied for a post-grad program.

I started reading tarot.

I even called my mom some more.

But at the end of it all, I found myself still unable to answer the question “Who am I?” without naming achievements or labels.

And then…my dad died.

While processing the grief and simultaneously brushing my teeth one morning, an interesting thing happened.

It hit me as do all great life-changing realizations: With a mouth full of toothpaste.

I realized first hand, that none of the earthly achievements my dad accomplished mattered. None of that is who he was.

I found myself remembering his ENERGY and how it was a light gone out in the physical world.

I realized he, like all of us, was way too special and precious of a soul to have a brief moment of life to then completely disappear from the universe.

What the hell would be the point of it all if that were the case?

It only made sense that although he was gone from the masses, his soul was still part of the collective.

Like walking through a gate, I entered a new level of consciousness.

When you get to a higher level of consciousness, though, when you get into a spiritual approach to life, you are not trying to get someplace else.

Wayne Dyer

And like that, what was the most profound dental hygiene moment of my life became a life altering pivot of perspective.

All the achievement goals ceased and I began to dive deeper and deeper into new paradigms on life and death.

Physical life suddenly felt so finite to me… so delicate. All it made me want to do was cherish my own and that of those around me.

In understanding death, I finally understood who I was - And not so much who, but what.

My dad’s death showed me how to live as what I was:

A part of the universe that could never die, here to experience a short taste of physical life on Earth (Shoutout dad for being my greatest teacher even after his death).

SOOOO naturally… This made me a fearless boss babe and I lived out the rest of my life as a bad bitch.

Just kidding.

I had Scrooge level shifts.

It made me:

• Live with greater awareness of my own soul.

• I work on creating a great life experience every day

• I’m more focused on the big picture

• More connected to my spirit fam

• Abandon all the titles I defined myself by.

• Made me really appreciate calling my mom more.

You may or may not hold the same belief system, but I want to challenge you to answer the same question:

Once you strip away all you are not (your degree, your apartment, your talents, your title as pet owner, your rocks and socks), who are you? What are you?

Beyond your conditioning, your limiting beliefs, your trauma, your moments of “failure”, your family… Who are you?

I’m not here to make you find God, but regardless of your own beliefs or lack of them, we are ALL in agreement here that we are ALL on a one-way flight to death, right?

So during this one blip of physical existence, who are you?

This is a very different question from who you want to be, which I believe stems from a healthy answer to who you ARE.

Only you can answer that for you and in time, the answer comes to all of us.

That is because it is an experiential answer.

Up until now, many people have only experienced what physical achievement feels like and what it is like to be conditioned as “mommy’s little girl” , “a manager at Starbucks” or “a Harvard graduate”.

These things can be part of your experience, but they aren’t who you are.

If you as a soul want to experience wholeness, go ahead! If you want to experience a vegan lifestyle, more power to you! If you want to enjoy the merit of a degree, hell to the fuck yes!

But in your essence - in your core: You are the universe at large and you are special.

At some point, there will come a time when you will have a face to face with your own mortality and although that sounds terrifying, don’t resent it for it is a blessing.

It is a blessing to WAKE UP!

I only hope you won’t have toothpaste all over your face like I did.

I love you all!