Consciousness: A path of your own

Born.

School.

Work.

Maybe get married.

Maybe have a couple of kids.

Maybe adopt a baby raccoon.

Retire.

Die.

Man, this life trajectory sucks.

And not just because adopting the raccoon is a “maybe”, but because it lacks SO MUCH that life can offer you otherwise.

To play devil’s Advocate, it isn’t to say you can’t go on a self-mastery journey while living this path, BUT most people don’t.

They focus on the achievement steps on this well known path, instead of turning inward.

This is the life trajectory of people who are UNCONSCIOUSLY LIVING (My first strike-through, I think it deserves it).

Honestly, when older folks say that life goes quick, they aren’t lying. Think about your age now and how quickly you arrived at it.

Guys, MY HIGH SCHOOL REUNION HAPPENED 14 YEARS AGO!

Where did the time go? I didn’t think 31 would arrive so quickly.

But it did.

I can definitely say that I am consciously creating a life I love NOW, but all these years, I wasn’t.

Back when I was unconscious, I didn’t accomplish SHIT, I gotta be honest.

I was just floating from job to job and relationship to relationship, not really building what I wanted or putting in the work.

And it is because I didn’t even know myself or know what to build towards.

So I adopted the script society set for me, it was the easiest thing to do. And the safest.

It feels like a decade of my life that went by in the same way you wonder where your last paycheck went.

It always felt backwards living like this. It felt like I was ignoring something greater that I had yet to discover but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

My life felt like a stranger things episode.

Yes, this is unconscious living at it’s finest: You basically live with backwards priorities. You live to die instead of living to live. You don’t explore or expand on your curiosities and callings. You just coast and repeat.

We are hardwired to focus on safety— If we don’t feel safe, we can’t focus on anything else.

BUT

If you have a roof over your head, food to eat, and are not on the run from the mob, you are safe. You have fulfilled the biological need for safety that we ALL have.

As I reflect on these past years about my trajectory, I find that I was following not only the societal life script, but also the script I wrote for myself without knowing.

(The script I wrote for myself when I was like 5, mind you.)

The one where I decided I was someone not worth a lot, and that no one would like to hear what I have to say or that I’m worth a damn.

And I LIVED like that. I made sure every damn thing in my life was limiting my potential and keeping me small.

I hit a ceiling eventually. I ran out of air. And I was forced to wake up and tell myself NO-FUCKING-MORE.

It was 4 years ago that #Consciousness happened upon me.

(It feels like I passed through a gate and I just could not turn back. That is how night and day it feels.)

It all arose from one good question after a break up that I have never stopped asking myself:

“What is it in me, that allowed my life to get here?”

I directed all my attention inwards.

No more chasing material shit or relationships.

From then on, the priority has been my GROWTH and RECLAMATION.

And so, I ask you, that if you are in a rutt in your own life, stuck, bored, aimless… turn inward.

This is the start of achieving consciousness.

Consciousness is the SKILL you can develop of looking at your own mind and observing it instead of being in it.

PLEASE NOTICE I SAID SKILL. You can cultivate it by practice!

Why should EVERYONE practice this?

Well for one, it makes life better.

And two, whether you intend to or not, life is GOING TO GUARANTEED give you experiences to “Wake you up” to your own mind and inner workings. Might as well beat it to it.

And three, living unconsciously, as we have gone over before, is lame and doesn’t lead to any satisfaction whatsoever.

Do you want old age to suck and be full of regret? Start working against that now.

“Control of consciousness determines the quality of life.”

They’re anonymous but fucking great quote.

I’ll list off some ways that helped me achieve a higher skill of consciousness and allowed me to break from the script and start to build life MY way.

1. Read some great books.

   At the start of my journey, even before the nasty breakups, I remember being 17 and feeling drawn to figuring out the universe.

I got my hands on this book:

And BISHH let me tell you, I wasn’t the same ever again.

It confirmed my theories on the universe and more.

From a man channeling the universal higher consciousness that we are a part of, it is incredibly spiritual and highly inspiring and answers every deep question you’ll ever have.

Later on after nasty breakups, I read this book because I was tired of feeling like a broke bitch in more ways than money:

This book tells you the process and skills of how to create your own life by leveraging the law of attraction.

Whether you believe in it or not, it declares you are ACCOUNTABLE for all that happens to you and teaches you how to be conscious of your state at all times with strategies.

And then once I began to open myself up to the universe and expanding my consciousness of higher dimensions, I began to expand the awareness of my shadows.

I began to work on my trauma, as a lot of my present day woe stemmed from childhood PTSD (And I have a theory it does for 99% of us).

I read this book:

Triggering if you aren’t ready, but so so good to explain WHY you get triggered in the first place.

At the time of writing this newsletter, I am reading:

The Physician who studied death, wrote a book about her reflection on life and death from her deathbed!

It has truly been a lovely book so far, and the prologue is one of the most spiritually inspiring things I have ever read.

This has made me reflect on my own life from the viewpoint of old age.

The point is, pick some good books you feel called to and start reading!

2. Coaching

1. I highly. Highly. HIGHLY. Recommend getting with a a good spiritual coach or a trauma informed coach.

   Either one will help to expand your consciousness of the universe and of yourself.

I have done work with both!!! And I BECAME a trauma coach as a result too, because it inspired me so much. (DM me ;))

And I, three years to the day, continue to see my spiritual coach and absolutely astound her by how dumb my ass can be! (Kidding)

It has absolutely been worth it.

3. Developing consciousness as a skill is a lifestyle, SO GET YOURSELF A FUCKING JOURNAL.

1. It is an EVERYDAY thing, you may back track, you may be sporadic at first, but eventually after practice, you’ll be able to live WHILE OBSERVING your mind.

I FULLY encourage you to get a journal and document your journey as you notice it.

This skill, unlike learning to type, doesn’t shut off at 5 pm.

I compare it to learning a language you’ll use for the rest of your life.

If you’re learning Italiano, you read in it, you listen to it, you practice it. You basically become pseudo-Italian.

And to retain it forever, you continue being Pseudo-Italian.

Same shit with consciousness.

And for the record, developing consciousness does not mean you’ll never feel like shit again.

Take me ten minutes ago:

I was working on a workbook - You know, a book you write and scribble scrabble in to get exercises done - and CAN you BELIEVE my own AUDACITY to judge myself for not writing in it perfectly?

Or this newsletter - It is Happening RIGHT NOW as I write: Me feeling like my writing isn’t good enough and like no matter what I say, it isn’t worth saying.

I am aware of the story my mind is creating and the emotions my body is producing as a result. But I am not in it. I am aware of how it isn’t true, as the true ME is OBSERVING this happen.

THAT is CONSCIOUSNESS.

Be prepared for shit like this to continue happening over and over throughout life once you cross that gate into consciousness.

It is glorious.

4. Meditate

1. This suggestion should come at no surprise to anyone.

Meditation will help with every problem you ever have under the sun. And developing consciousness is one of them.

Sit down, close your eyes, and do meditation as it is right for YOU.

I for example, meditate on my body and like to channel it’s intelligence when it comes to making decisions.

When I am doing Internal Family Systems work (more on that in another letter) for trauma healing, I enjoy meditating on interactions with my younger parts.

It doesn’t look the same for everyone but it all functions to awaken you to YOU.

To end this right, I wanted to share a fundamental belief I have LIVED by:

What is needed at all times, in every situation you face, is evolving consciousness.

Without that, everything you succeed at accomplishing will go to waste.

Meditate on it :)